The perfect Christmas gift for the guy who loves computers and boobs...

...and isn’t getting any action.

I came across the Yumi 3-D Soft Chest Mouse Mat a little while ago (don’t as how). It seemed kind of funny until I read the following product description:

They're not real... but they certainly are spectacular! Looking for somewhere soft and comfy to rest your computer-weary wrist? This should do the trick and give you a more "hands-on" approach to playing "Leisure Suit Larry" at the same time. This incredibly clever mouse pad features Yumi, a pink-haired anime girl dressed in a white swimsuit with a great place to relax your wrist while you click away on your favorite websites.

While other Mouse Pads offer an uncomfortable flat surface, Yumi's ample bosom creates a much more interesting, squeezably soft nesting place that cradles your arm as you surf. The unique design also features bright colors and the girl's wry smile, but most eyes go... well, you know where. Yumi is definitely "gifted," so share the fun by buying one for yourself and another for a friend! Measures about 10 1/2-inches tall x 9-inches wide.Features "try me" packaging! Just put your finger in the hole on Yumi's chest and "feel it to believe it!"

Whoever wrote this description wants you to do dirty, disgusting things to this mouse pad that go way beyond simply resting your wrist on its “ample bosom”. Saying that “most eyes go... well, you know where,” and describing Yumi’s boobs as “spectacular” raises a lot of questions about the writer’s grasp on reality, and the suggestion that you buy one for yourself and a friend is one orgy I really don’t want to be part of.

If, for some reason, owning this mouse pad doesn’t indicate that you’re a loser, using while playing Leisure Suit Larry definitely does.

They’re selling these things at Mighty Ape for $39.99, which is a fair bit of money to tell someone that they need a girlfriend.